I am:
- Less OCD
- More flexible
- A better problem solver
- Comfortable of letting the little things go
Along with all the good, it also made me frumpy! It's a funny thing, I wear baggy clothes trying to hide the baby weight, spend less time getting ready, no longer going after the latest hip/trendy outfits. All of which would be fine if it didn't bother me, because that was the "old me". So Norm and I started dissecting this and it came down me feeling that I just never got back to my old self. I forced myself into thinking that being a mother, I had to act and look like one...whatever that means. In the past few months, I have been taking baby steps to be "me" again...and it feels great! But what I realized was that it wasn't parenthood that made me change, it was me just not thinking about myself enough because I was always thinking about everyone else. I love taking care of everyone, but it doesn't mean that taking time out for myself can't be part of the equation as well.
Being a mother has meant refocusing on the things that (i think) really matter. Without children, it was easy for me to get caught up in superficial nonsense :) (well, it didnt' feel superficial at the time)...but with children, I'm forced to look beyond yourself and understand that I'm truly helping to "shape" a new person in the world. And in doing so...what really matters? Is it that you have a big house? Great new car? The lastest handbag? Or..does it mean finding ways to build self-esteem, confidence and joy of learning in a young mind.
ReplyDeleteIts certainly not always easy..there are days when I long for my biggest concern to be what outfit to wear to work...or where we'd meet friends for drinks after work :) I don't want to have to explain to Morgan again why we don't throw things :)
But...everyday looking at me (and daddy) to show them the world and guide them with principles we'd love for them to internalize. To raise people who are proud of themselves.
I guess becomming a mommy has meant...well, growing up....at least a little bit :)
I love this question because I have been a mommy for awhile now yet I still feel like I am learning everyday as they grow. As of today, what sticks out the most is that tough love is the best kind of love. I used to get frustrated when I was given rules and guidelines as a kid but in the end my mom's guidance was all I could ever ask for. Now that I am living in the world of being a mommy I understand it is my responsibility to set the foundation for my children even if it's not what they always want. And it's OKAY. It doesn't make me a mean mom, it makes me a mom that cares.
ReplyDeleteBeing the mom of my two beautiful kids taught me to be a stronger person because it takes a lot of strength to not give in to everything especially with their sweet faces.
To be continued...check in with me soon because my daughter is becoming a teenager this month. Boy, will I be learning a lot!
So far:
- Strength
- Patience
- Unconditional Love
- Believe
- And not to give knuckles to my daughter's friends :)
Because being a mom is one of the most important jobs I'll ever have, I take parenthood seriously (sometimes too much). I think it's just now that I'm starting to master having more balance in my life. Here are the aspects of motherhood that have changed me the most:
ReplyDeleteSELFISHNESS VS. SELFLESSNESS
Perhaps the most difficult change I dealt with as a young mom was letting go of things I loved to do - shop, hang out, travel, etc (can I say ‘shop’ again?). Was it hard losing the Jones’ race? I must admit that it was, especially when I was judged through the materialistic scope. However, I don’t regret transferring all my focus to the kids. They deserve the opportunities to have the latest and the greatest. Plus my decreased desire for material things transferred to them. Do you know what a blessing it was to walk passed the toy section and the kids not ask for anything at all? Oh, bless their hearts for not giving mom a hard time at the stores! Choosing between (for example) purses/shoes/clothes and the kids’ piano lessons has never been a hard decision to make. Besides, when the kids are off to college, I look forward to traveling...especially to the mall!
FREE SPIRIT VS. SERIOUSNESS
My friends and family know I used to be very free-spirited...and often times the biggest goofball. Because my parents were so serious, I thought I had to be the same. It’s important for them to see me the way the world sees me...you know, by keepin' it real:) I have learned to relax and joke with them a bit more. However, I can tell you ‘fun mom’ isn’t what gets their rooms cleaned!
DISCIPLINARIAN VS. FRIEND
Since the kids are entering teenhood, I am learning now to be more of a friend. I want the channels of communication with my kids to be open at all times. Sometimes, the best way to do this is to ‘kick it’ with them. I talk to my kids about EVERYTHING and I don't feel uncomfortable about addressing touchy subjects. I'd rather they learn things from me instead of their friends. So yes, I do listen to pop songs with them, keep up with the cool shows on TV and read celebrity (though they sometimes be Disney) headlines. But I also follow-up by discussing things with them.
Gosh, do I sound like my mom or what?!
I agree whole-heartedly with many of the comments already made by the ladies in this post. Being a mother has brought loads of responsibility, along with the most intense love I have ever felt in my life---so much so that I fear if anything were to ever happen to my daughter I don't know how I would survive! Becoming a mother was never in my plans.... it happened by accident. Please don't judge me, ladies, but I never wanted to be a mom. I just thought it would "ruin my life", since I had such BIG dreams, and none of them involved kids. However, once I felt the first pangs of morning sickness, I knew that I had departed on the greatest (and most surprising) journey of my life. Forget the world travel, the extreme sports, grad school, and taking risks! Now was the time to focus on my health and creating the best life I could for my baby.
ReplyDeleteNow that I have been a mother for 3 1/2 years, I feel that I have changed my entire outlook on life. All of my decisions are based on what's best for her. I spend countless hours pouring over parenting books, discipline books, and researching the best daycares and preschools. I will do almost anything for my daughter, and I worry about her constantly. I guess motherhood has created those irreversible worry lines in my forehead. It has also given me many stomach aches and tremendous mommy guilt for not spending enough time with her. I now listen to toddler tunes and nursery rhymes in the car (aaaccckkk!) and make up silly names for everyday things. I haven't learned to relinquish my OCD behavior (maybe a little help, Kristy?), so I am quite the disciplinarian. I don't give in to whining, at all! I loathe whining. And Avery is a big whiner! Being consistent is a constant challenge!!!!!
Being a single parent to an "overly-sensitive" child and an even more "difficult" ex has its own set of challenges, but that is an entirely different topic :-)
Well, for the 8 years that I was a mother, I learned a great deal. Especially entering Adri’s life at the time I did (10yrs – 18yrs). Even though I was a step parent I truly felt the love as if she were my own. I went through the same feelings a parent would during their child’s life…excitement, fear, worry, disappointment and pride. I felt the overwhelming responsibility of a having a child and realized it was my job to help mold her into the best person she could be. I was determined to instill in her the importance of education, being confident in herself and her abilities, and passing down street smarts :)
ReplyDeleteI feel the whole experience aged me, maybe because I had her in her later years. I didn’t realize how much it would take out of me…emotionally. The highs were high, and the lows were low. I never knew how intense the feeling of disappointment can get…You are not only disappointed in your child, but yourself as well, feeling you have failed. There were plenty of times that I had to remember she was just a child and I could not expect adult characteristics from her. Instead, that I had to have the patience to help instill these characteristics in her.
I think after having gone through the whole experience, it taught me what to do & what not to do next time around (when I start from scratch). I know I made mistakes, hopefully I can correct them with the next child. However, when I see the young woman she has become I can only hope I helped shape her into that beautiful person.
The motherhood experience also brought me closer to my own mom. I have a better understanding of her actions and reasoning behind her protectiveness. We did not have the best relationship, but I now have a priceless appreciation and love for my mother.